I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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