I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
