So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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