So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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