Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
