So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
