so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize