fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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