I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
