dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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