hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
