Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
