Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
