is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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