i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
