i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
