These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize