you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
this hospital has no fireball
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
