my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
