Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
