Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
