dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
