Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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