I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I looked at my own cervix.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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