After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
