I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize