Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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