Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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