I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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