that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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