glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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