So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Everything about him screamed your future.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
