The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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