I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize