idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
