K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
