my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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