Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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