I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
