Who wears a wallet chain?!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
