oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
