Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
