she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
