singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
