At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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