He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
