i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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