I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
