its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You did what with his pubic hair?
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