Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
