i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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