I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
