I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize