The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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