then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
