I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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