i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
