I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
