I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish you could order shots online.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
