you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
