Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize