operation have a gay friend backfired
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
