So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
where are my eyebrows?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
