Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
