so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
