What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
