I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
