I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
