clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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