no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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