My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
