Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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