People with herpes should wear stickers.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
