Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
