Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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