That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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