He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
