You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize