return my video game
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
