what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
