Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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