His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
