We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
