So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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