His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
