Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
