imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
