i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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