i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry about my life...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
