Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
