Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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