is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
