Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
