Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
