My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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