So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
