so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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