maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
