Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize