We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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