dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
zippers are such a cool invention
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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