they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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