so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
