Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
