What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize