After last night, I could never be a politician.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
