my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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