i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
