Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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